I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I could fuck to npr.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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