Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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