Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
