so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
