so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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