The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize