I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
