apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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