I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
