Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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