I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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