The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I want a musical about memes.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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