Porn is love you can see.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
