At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I faked an abortion last night.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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