I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You made out with two different species that night
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
