I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
