I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
