Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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