That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Let's get the cat blown out
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
