Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
