I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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