he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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