Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
