After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
