You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize