Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
