Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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