Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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