Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
God I need to hump something, right now.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
