I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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