White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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