Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
