i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I love having hate sex.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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