Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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