He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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