I hate your face
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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