if only i could text you this smell
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
