Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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