peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
