Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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