i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
