My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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