In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
