OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize