1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize