next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
