I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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