We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
