she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
