were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
