I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
