Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize