I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
