oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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