??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
