On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
