So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
