just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
