got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
