Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
