Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
