Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
