dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize