is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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