So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
