Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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