The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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