I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think I died a long time ago.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize