I need help removing her.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
