A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
