Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize