I think im going to throw up on grandma
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
