The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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