Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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