White coat. Heels.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
