Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I want a musical about memes.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
