Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
