the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
