Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
