i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
