i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
They have beer where we have blood.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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