he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize