1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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