the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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