yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
