I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's rum buckets o'clock
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
