The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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