ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
