She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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