you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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